Failures Lead to Success:
My Top 5 Reasons Why
I’d Be Open to Marry Again
Testimony By Giovanna W.
I have been married and divorced twice. I was quite young and naïve in my past failed marriages. Basically, I was still figuring out who I was. I believed that love was enough and that it could magically fix whatever was broken (emotions, finances, and other real-life issues). I learned that marriage is what you make it! Yet, the biggest part of marriage is realizing that it is not about you; it’s a partnership. Sharing your life with someone comes with having the willingness to make some compromises.
To be clear, let’s not mistake compromises for sacrifices. By no means we are to make peace with being dishonest with ourselves when it comes to knowing who we really are and what we truly want. In my experience, self-betrayal is the kind of sacrifice that only rewards us with the feeling of bitterness, resentment, and even leave an emptiness deep down inside.
As I’ve grown over the years, as a single woman, I have become deeply rooted in my own authenticity. I realize that as long as I am able to keep my sense of purpose and zeal for life as an individual, only then am I better equipped to make mature, healthy compromises in a marriage. Therefore, I don’t have to focus on what I am not receiving. Instead, I am able to view compromises as a tool that can benefit both parties for the common goal to bring the relationship closer.
With that, I leave you with My Top 5 Reasons Why I’d Be Open to Marry Again
- Remaining Hopeful.
Because I am enjoying my singleness, I am in no hurry to remarry. However, since I am a free-spirited, healed woman, I am optimistic about the possibility of meeting a lifetime partner. Yet, I don’t want to be married for the sake of having a label with a ring on my finger or meeting society’s pressure to justify my status. Yet, with my experience and a realistic view about love and relationships, I am open to give marriage another go!
- Knowing My Worth
I’ve taken great inventory of my strengths and weaknesses, which includes my talents, gifts, vulnerabilities and shortcomings. Therefore, I am much more confident in the way I use, not only my heart, but also my head when it comes to choosing who I want to get romantically involved with. Recognizing what I bring to the table in a relationship has helped me quickly assess if someone is compatible. I’ve learn that taking responsibility for my choices, good and bad, has helped me not play the blame game and move on if things are not working out. My non-negotiable tiebreakers are any issue that threatens my sense of autonomy and value. Therefore, it would be totally unacceptable for me to stay in a relationship where I am not respected, appreciated, and truly valued.
- I Am Love and Loveable
Expressing love is a beautiful thing even if it’s only one-sided. I remember a time in my life where I’ve withheld my love and affection as a means to control how I wanted to be treated or to make the score even when I felt hurt. Expressing love consistently was such a struggle for me because I believed it would be taken for granted and abused. Then, I realized this form of lashing out was something I learned growing up in an environment with family where I had to work hard to be loved and be lovable. One day, as I was reading a self-help book, I learned that I Am Love. With that shift in mind, it occurred that I have an abundance of it within myself to last for eternity. As I paralleled the love I could give to my dog without any expectation, I realized how self-multiplying love could be. Therefore, today I use expressing love more freely as a bridge of hope and as an open-revolving door that should never be closed even if a relationship doesn’t work out. I’ve learned there’s true freedom in the acceptance of what I have and once had. Every experience has value so taking positive steps to move forward with the plan and benefits of expressing love has truly given me a securely planted seed of joy. This joy has removed that feeling of emptiness whether I’m in or out of a romantic relationship.
- Being Whole
I am already all I need to be and feel “complete” and “whole”. There is nothing missing and nothing broken for a man to enter my life to fix or address. One of my biggest mistakes in dating was trying so hard to sell myself to a guy by sharing too much about my achievements and demonstrating how caring I could be, which came from a place of insecurity and inadequacy. Through my trials, growth, and walking in my worthiness, I’ve learned to reveal gradually and carefully peel back layers at a time. By focusing inward and staying true to my values, I use dating as a means to determine who is worthy of my time and affection.
- Allowing God’s Will
The benefit of being married in the past has been such an awakening experience for me. It has made me much more appreciative of my individuality as well as others. I’ve come to recognize how my singleness has helped me develop personally, professionally, but most importantly it has made my relationship with God so much closer. The outcome of focusing on my relationship with God and with myself, have paid by far much greater dividends than any other relationship I could have invested in. Since maturing spiritually, I have become a greater advocate for myself and others and a better woman for my future lifetime partner (if that is God’s plan for me). I recall a time when I was afraid to walk away when something wasn’t working out. But as I allow my life to be led by purpose, I’ve become content being single and fulfilled entrenched in happiness. I no longer feel a craving or desperation to be in a romantic relationship because I don’t see it as an option to sacrifice the mission that God has given me. Therefore, the thought that I will end up being alone doesn’t cross my mind and no longer frightens me.
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